Questions… Questions

Life's Questions

Life's Questions

It’s been a rough two weeks and the question of where God is in the midst of all this has cropped up a lot more these few weeks. Hearing my mom ask the question of why did God allow this to happen has fired up the same question in me. It’s tough to see mom in a lot of pain and it’s tougher still to have some of these questions running through my head & heart whilst having to assure mom of God’s Presence.

Despite the questioning I have a number of things that I can give thanks to Him for even though things have been rough:

  • I’m thankful that mom wasn’t hurt that bad. From what my dad has told me about her fall I’m thankful that she didn’t suffer anything far worse. It’s already bad enough to have to suffer through a closed-fracture but in the bigger picture I believe God watched over mom and protected her.
  • I’m thankful that the doctors were able to prescribe a painkiller that was safe for mom to use.
  • I’m thankful for all the people in my church and my subzone who rallied around me & my family. A few of us from my subzone met up on Thursday night to pray for my mom and other family members of the leadership who were going through struggles in the area of health.
  • I’m thankful that the orthopedic doctors were able to look at mom’s arm to confirm that it was set properly.
  • I’m thankful for answered prayer cos’ my mom’s creatinine levels are back to normal and also my subzone member Tau Fei’s mom’s blood pressure went down to normal too as a result of Thursday’s prayer meet. Tau Fei’s mom is scheduled for a knee operation on the 3rd of September so do pray for her.

I suppose the way I’ve been dealing with these questions is to replace the questioning with thanksgiving. The question of why in suffering doesn’t have a simple answer. Some say it’s just the fallen nature of the world we live in and I’ve learnt more & more that there is truth in that. I still pray a whole lot to God and I talk to Him daily about stuff and somehow having Him listen helps me get through the tougher moments in life. Many times we try to shape God in our image and expect many things of Him that isn’t really Him. I’ve been listening to a lot of Ravi Zacharias lately and it hit me very hard that instead of making the truth relevant to us; we are actually supposed to learn how to make ourselves relevant to the truth instead. That was quite a revelation and I realise that we all have misconceptions of God because we’ve not been taught well or more likely we form an image of God based on our own ideas & experiences in life.

I’m thankful that the question why bothers me far less now. Why? Because the why of my life has already been answered. Why am I here? To live a life in worship & communion with the Father and through that relationship I am to share His love with others. It doesn’t mean I don’t question the whys of suffering… but it does mean that I am learning how to get through dark & painful times knowing that there is always hope in God. It is that hope that helps us to continue to be encouragers and to be positive even though our world may be falling apart. A life of dependence on God is not weakness. It is strength.

I end today’s post with a quote from an interview with Ravi Zacharias on his book “Has Christianity Failed You?” which I am planning to get.

In surrendering you win. In dying you live.

And that’s exactly what it’s all about. We fight so much and so hard sometimes that we forget Jesus’ call to us is to just surrender and to take up His yoke which is a whole lot lighter than the yoke of the world.

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Elusive Freedom

Hi everyone, I’ve been battling my thoughts & emotions a lot especially in the last 2 weeks. It’s tough when I don’t really understand why my heart still hurts after so long. My best bud J-son tells me that I know what I need to do and perhaps I do. But it just seems like such a chicken & egg thing cos’ it’s hard to ignore the hurt that’s so palpable when I get up in the morning. It’s FRUSTRATING!!! Sigh …

I don’t know if I still want to be with her or if I just want to move on and be with someone else. The worst part is that I don’t know how I can be with anyone else with such damaged emotions. When I sit down and close my eyes; a picture of my heart appears and I see it still bleeding & hurting. It’s sad that the people you love have such power to hurt you. For the most part I’ve succeeded in not looking back at things but it’s just come back all of a sudden with a vengeance in the past month or so.

At any rate I’ve had a huge measure of peace today after attending church at our brand new Dream Centre. It was strange being in such a huge place and at the start I felt so overwhelmed by all the people. I feel that DUMC as a whole is such a big place and I’m glad that at the very least we have cell groups that meet and minister to the needs at a micro level. It’s awesome being a part of this church and I’m a bit sad that with all my disappointments & heartache that I’m just not able to contribute to the church but I hope to be up & running soon. There is a part of me that just can’t wait to write a new stageplay and to take up cell leadership again. For now I guess I just gotta receive and really get deeper into God in this difficult period of my life. Here are some pix I took of our brand new sanctuary … AWESOME no?

My view from upstairs. Huge ain't it?

My view from upstairs. Huge ain't it?

Presenting the DUMC Dream Centre!

Presenting the DUMC Dream Centre!

There! I’ve gotten all of my negative thoughts out of my system, it’s time to get back to some Metroid Prime 2: Echoes after finish Metroid Prime 3: Corruption for the Wii. In time I hope to really live life out there with more freedom in my heart. Pray for me guys … in the meantime I wish everyone out there happy thoughts and lotsa love! I leave you guys with this cute picture I took of some kids playing at 1U in the concourse area … they made me feel happy cos’ life is good really isn’t it?

Life's full of colour to a child.

Life's full of colour to a child.

Travel Fever 2007

The past few months have been filled with lotsa traveling. I feel really blessed to be able to go to so many different places and to be able to enjoy myself without pining for someone all the time. I thank God so much for how He’s been working in my heart but there’s still a long way to go to recover after all the hurt that’s been inflicted upon me.

Anyways … just thinking about the places I’ve been to in the past few months amazes me lots. Here’s a list of places that I’ve hit since the start of 2007! I’ll try to put it in chronological order as best I can.

  • Ipoh
  • Singapore (3 times already so far, once for Phantom of the Opera, once for our Esplanade gig & last month for Eagles Leadership Conference)
  • Port Dickson
  • Cambodia
  • Malacca

And in a few days time I’ll be off to Bandung, Indonesia! Yippee! This will be my first time in Indonesia and I am most looking forward to it! I’ll get to see a real live volcano!

It’s been a tiring August filled with travelling plus I’ve been consolidating stuff for our label Four Forty Records. At the same time I’m working through a lot of my personal issues with Ps Mike & my buddy J-son. There’s just so much to do and at times I wonder how God’s gonna fix up the mess in my heart. I memorised Romans 12:12 and have been repeating it to myself daily to help me get through the times when I struggle with hopelessness & the pain that revisits me time & time again. The verse gives me strength and I’m thankful that I have God’s Word to hide in my heart.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction & faithful in prayer.”

Depressing thoughts aside … I had a very memorable weekend hitting Malacca and hanging out a bit with some local celebrities during a shoot with NTV7 on Sunday. Anuar Zain is such a cool guy and it was easy chatting with him while we were eating lunch and waiting for rehearsals to start. I didn’t feel at all uncomfortable and it made me realise that celebrities are just people like you and me. 😉

I got to meet Sheila Majid again (last time I met her was at the Visit Malaysia Year 2007 launch) and she’s very, very nice. I am truly privileged to be a part of the music industry and in some ways I still can’t believe I get to meet the very people I used to watch on TV or listen to on the radio. At the same time I’m finding a new faith & belief in Malaysian singers & musicians. I feel ashamed to have not paid more attention because we have such wonderful talent right here in our own backyard … I wish our radio stations would do more to give room for the English scene to grow. We’re missing out on a lot of good music in favour of all the Akons, Gwens & Avrils! We really should give local music a shot cos’ there are real gems there!!!

Cheers & do remember to check out Juwita & the other local artistes I met on TV this Merdeka! Tune in to NTV7 at 8:30pm on the 31st of August to catch the Nite of Soulful Stars Merdeka Special!

That’s enough from me today-lah. Click on the pix below to check out some of the shots I took over last weekend & share a bit of my life in the Malaysian music scene.

Ju @ last weekend's Salvation Army Fund Raiser.

Ju @ last weekend's Salvation Army Fund Raiser.

DiGi CelebriTeen Semi-Finals, Malacca.

DiGi CelebriTeen Semi-Finals, Malacca.

Ju, Anuar Zain, Kathy Ibrahim, Datuk Shake & Sheila Majid.

Ju, Anuar Zain, Kathy Ibrahim, Datuk Shake & Sheila Majid.