I had a pretty long day today, was up at around 7:30am and spent the better part of the day in church at a leaders planning from 9:00am all the way till 2:00pm. Then I caught Lions for Lambs with my brother, his cell leader Jac & her boyfriend Alvin. But the kicker came in the evening when I hung out with some of my old Varsity Christian Fellowship mates in UM and wow … almost everyone of them have kids & are MARRIED!
I’m really happy for everyone but they made me realise that my life is heading down a very different path. I too want a family and kids but I can’t have both. Not at the moment. WIth every challenge that I face building Four Forty Records it’s gonna be difficult to raise a family much less take care of a wife whom I wanna love with all my heart. No sacrifice … no victory.
A testimony I heard from one of the leaders in my zone (thank you for your honesty Uncle Beng Keat) made me realise this. We all wanna achieve something, do something in life but not many of us are prepared to pay the price. In Christianity one of the things we believe in is that all of us share the sufferings of Christ. I figure I’m sharing in a part of it right now – going through a huge career challenge, being rejected by the very person I loved with all my heart, etc and we feel like quitting or gripe/complain about it.
The part of me that is still somewhat strong says … “BITE THE DAMN BULLET! STICK WITH IT!” and there’s the part of me that is so emotionally scared that goes “I FEEL LIKE I’M DYING…”. Ha ha! I should just listen to the strong voice and stick with it. So what if she doesn’t love me back. I know I have done all I can to love her and prove to her that I love her and I wanna grow as a person. And that should be enough … it’s her choice at the end of the day. And we all have the gift of choice so it’s her right.
This is my road to walk … WALK IT THEN! And stop complaining about how darn tired I am and emotionally drained my inner being is. Just walk the line! No need to charge into battle but just walk the path and take my time to do it.
And that as they say … is that.